Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Teasing Methods

I get a lot of questions about teasing. Sexual teasing, that is. You know, Tease and Denial, T&D, sexual torment. Things of that nature. Well, there are literally thousands of ways to sexually tease a man, but here are some of my favorites. PLEASE, send me any methods you use that you are willing to share. I love learning what other people do with their partners when it is time to get them all worked up. And, I have never stopped learning.

Before I start, let me remind you, binding your partner's hands (and adding a blindfold) is something I highly recommend. After all, you really don't want him reaching down and finishing himself off, after you have spent all that time getting him on edge. It ruins all your hard work and leaves him sexually uninterested for the next few days, making him totally unmanageable. The blindfold just adds to his excitement and makes him use his imagination a great deal more.

Let's start by giving you some tips for that “quick-shooter” if you have one. If you can't touch his penis for more than a few seconds before he spurts it all away, don't. Don't touch his penis then. You can get him all worked up and aroused, simply by running your hands, or just your fingertips, over most of his body. He has other erogenous zones. Use them, instead. I often prefer to start this way anyway. It arouses him enough to get his penis standing as strait and tall as it ever will (without a penis pump) so that, by the time I am ready to touch it, he is begging me to do it.

If you have never watched a T&D video on the Internet (yes, I am talking about porn), you really should take some time to watch a few. X-Hamster, Pornhub, and XVideo, are just a few.
Try doing a search with your favorite search engine (Bing, Google, Yahoo) for tease and denial videos. Most SE's will simply post the videos right there for you.

If you go to one of these video sites, the first thing you will notice is that most of the videos only last a few minutes. Most are shorter than fifteen minutes. But if you really want to get your man excited, watch some of the longer ones, say, over twenty minutes long. This will give you a better idea of how these woman can make their partner's erection last so long without exploding and ruining all your fun.

Take your time! After all, if you have the right attitude, it can be great fun for you as well. You want him to last as long as you can make it last. It's called “Denial” for a reason. Don't allow him to ejaculate before you finish. Making him wait until (maybe) next time, will make him much easier to handle when you want him to do chores and such.

I will give you more details in upcoming posts. In the mean time, do your homework.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Soft FLR

I get a great number of questions about keyholding and Female Led Relationships (FLR), but one question I never seem to get is, "What if I don't want to get into all that BDSM and corporal punishment stuff?"

The answer is simple. I mentioned this in my books, but most people probably missed it because it is such a small part of the whole scope of what an FLR is about. So in answer to the question, "Can we still have an FLR even though I don't totally subjugate my husband?" I give a resounding, "Of course you can." You can make your FLR as hard or as soft as you like. There is no reason, other than you both want it, to subjugate your partner. That is, if you would rather withhold sex for a couple of days, or have him wash the dishes for a week instead of taking a paddle to his bare bottom, it is perfectly okay. You set your own rules.

There are no rules, other than the ones you set for your own relationship. If you don't want to make him wear a chastity device, that's fine. No one says it is a requirement. If you would rather he handle the finances, or the grocery shopping, or even buying you flowers once a week, that's totally up to you. How you set up your FLR, the rules you set, the punishments you prefer to use, are all something that the two of you can work out together.

I encourage everyone who is new to the world of Female Led Relationships to sit down and make a contract, or agreement, as to exactly what is acceptable to the both of you. You may eventually throw it away as your relationship evolves and changes over a period of time. But if you start out by setting certain boundaries, and expectations, you have a good place to start and you each know exactly what is expected of you.

A "Soft" FLR is one in which there may be no physical punishments involved. However, I do strongly recommend that you include at least some tease and denial. It doesn't even have to be in your contract. But I think you will both be surprised at how much fun it can be. From the woman's side, there is nothing like working your guy up and edging him, then stopping at least long enough for him to catch his breath before doing it all over again! Men seem to love it as well.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Hard Truths

Many of you asked Mistress Ivey's health. Yes, she has been having problems of late. Well, the past two months to more precise. I am not at liberty to say exactly what her problems are, other than to tell you that it has to do with her epilepsy. She has been unable to spend more than 15-20 minutes a day in front of a computer screen. She has "spells" where she can not remember things. In short, she can't spend the needed time online to write this blog, among other things.

In the mean time, I may write a few lines now and again, until such time as she gets things under control, medically speaking. I am also working on some sexual fiction of my own. It won't be  the same as Ivey's, but I hope many of you will still enjoy it. I will try to keep you posted on my progress.

Another truth is that a marriage, contrary to popular belief, is NOT a 50/50 proposition. Quite the contrary. It is a 100/100 proposition. If you both don't give 100% to your marriage it will, most likely, fail. It doesn't matter is you have a "normal" relationship, an FLR, a gay or lesbian relationship, or any other kind. Failure to give 100% to your partner will always end in failure.

Now, one question... If you could purchase a sex-robot who could walk, talk, do the dishes, and provide you with all the sex you could possibly want, would you? Send me your comments on the the subject, please.


Wednesday, May 31, 2017


It's me, nemo, again... You know, there are many, MANY ways to punish your sub. I, for one, am not really into pain. So, paddling etc. is reserved for when I really need to learn a lesson. Most of the punishments I receive are less... Sadistic.

I have been made to stand with my nose against a wall, naked. I have been forced to drink my own ejaculate, something I really hate doing. I have been made to masturbate in the woods while standing in front of our car while Mistress sat in the driver's seat watching. I have even been bound to a post at a dungeon party simply because I said something mistress didn't like. That was quite embarrassing. I was not only naked and blindfolded, but people could touch me, put clips and clamps on me, or even rub ice on various parts of my body. While it was all rather erotic, I would much preferred to be able to walk around and converse with some of my friends.

I have had to masturbate while standing in the living room in front Mistress Ivey and at her direction. Normally, I am either not allowed to ejaculate or must ruin my own orgasm and consume the results. I really hate those punishments! Then there are the caged days where I spend some or all of a day in a steel cage. But I think the worst punishments are the ones where I am forced to cross-dress in some way. I don't even like wearing women's panties all day.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it is not the punishment that counts, but rather the way it is given. If done in fun, some can be  quite erotic, but when a scolding or demeaning lecture accompany the act, it becomes much less erotic. Mistress always makes sure that I have to do something that she finds entertaining. I guess that's why I often get punished for the slightest infraction.


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

nemo again

Yes, another post by me. Mistress Ivey is currently in the hospital (it's nothing serious) and was unable to write this week. Sorry for the late post, but I wasn't expecting to have to make one. So, let me answer some more questions that I often get.

By-the-way, I prefer to be associated with last weeks photo (see the post for May 17, 2017). I am NOT a fish!

Let me say this first, because of the way our FLR began, I am no good at telling you how to approach your wife about setting one up. Sorry, but I wouldn't know the first thing about getting a woman to take charge of my sex-life, much less anything else in our relationship. So, don't ask.

I can tell you this, however, if you want to set up an FLR, it is best to sit down and talk about your relationship openly and honestly. Maybe, if you find out what your spouse likes (or doesn't like) about your current arrangement, it will be easier to figure out how an FLR can help. Just my opinion, and you know what they are like.

If you want more sexual teasing and less actual intercourse, perhaps you can start with that. Explain how much more exciting it can be for you when you simply don't know if you are going to get to ejaculate or not. Leave it up to her to decide when, how and if you will get to do that. Let her know that want to please her more than you have in the past and that you are no longer concerned about your own pleasure. Let her know that you derive pleasure from giving her pleasure. And NOT just in bed, but anytime. That means you may have to start buying flowers or small gifts on your way home from work, or that you can send her little "love texts" during the day when you know she is having a rough time.

In other words, let her know that you are thinking of her. She should be your number one concern all the time! Not just at bedtime! Once you learn to put her first, in all things, the rest will come naturally. Let her know that it is okay for her to have eight or ten orgasms when you don't have any. Then show her that you mean it. Life will get better and better as time goes by and you keep proving it to her.


P.S. Stop looking at so much porn!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

From My Husband

I have received many questions over the years that are best answered by my husband. He has been by my side through the good times and the bad and can answer some of these questions better than I, because of his perspective. So, I am turning today's blog over to my husband...

They call me nemo. Yes, like the famous Capt. Nemo of Jules Verne fame. When Ivey and I first set up our female led relationship, I chose that name because in ancient Latin it means “no one.” I thought, since I had nothing to say about how our relationship would work, beyond our initial agreement, it was a fitting name.

The question most men seem to ask is, “How did you approach your wife about setting up an FLR?” The answer to that question is simple. If you have read anything about her past, then you know that I started out as her Master. When she first asked me if I would teach her to be a dominant, I did just that. For me, the easiest way to teach her was to take the role of a submissive. Then, when she screwed up, (which she often did, at first) I would simply remind her of what I would have done had our roles been reversed.

After a few months of being her submissive, I suggested that she was ready to take on a real sub of her own. Together, we searched for a suitable replacement for me (as her submissive). We found one, and I stepped out of that role to help guide her when she needed it.

Later, when I realized how difficult it was for her to play the “switch” I asked her if she wanted to settle down with just me as her submissive and stop spending so much money for motels and travel to various BDSM events that we so often did, and just stay at home. She accepted my proposal and it has been that way ever since.

Even though I am not in charge anymore, there have always been things that she would rather do for herself, so I was not one of those guys who was placed in total submission and required to do everything for her. We share many responsibilities. I believe that is the reason for our success at home.

I get a lot of questions about chastity. Well, I own (or rather she owns) many different types of chastity devices. We did a great deal of experimentation in the beginning. Our favorites include the Holy Trainer for its comfort and the CB3000 because she also purchased the Points of Intrigue to go with it. (That is not my favorite part.) We also own a few different metal devices from various manufacturers.

How did we first get started with male chastity? Personally, I wanted to try it out. Curiosity was my motivating factor, I suppose. How did I approach my wife with the subject? Simple. One day, while bound to our bed and she was teasing my genitals, I said, “I would like to try wearing a chastity device. I think it would be fun.” And that was all I needed to say. If you ask me, during sexual activity is the best time to bring up anything you want that is different from what you have done. I suppose the same would be true for asking your wife about setting up a female led relationship.

These days, I don't even wear a chastity device even though I am only allowed to ejaculate once every two to three months. I use only my own self control between times. Mistress Ivey hates having to remove the device every time she wants to fondle or physically tease my genitals. Of course, it takes a lot of trust and self control to maintain this type of chastity. It may not work for everyone, but it works for us. Besides, with no device in the way, I get a lot more sexual attention!

If you have other questions for me, simply make a comment to this post and I will try to answer them all, as best I can. Thank you for your time.

Husband & slave to
Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Why Male Chastity?

There are numerous reason why a man might be interested, or even fascinated, by male chastity. If your partner has hinted around about it, come right out and asked for it, or mentioned it in a fantasy, it might be something you want to look into.

There are many different reasons why a man might want to have his penis locked up in a chastity device. Maybe he feels that he masturbates too often. Maybe he enjoys the thought that only one woman holds the key to his sexual pleasure. Maybe he is aware that men enjoy being turned on, frustrated even, and that male chastity is one way to experience a great deal more sexual desire.

Whatever the reason, even though it seems like more “work” for you, you might want to give it some serious thought. After all, most of the actual benefits derived from male chastity, benefit the Keyholder... YOU! You will be in control of when and how the two of you have sex. Ask yourself this one question, “Does he want sex (or sexual activity) more than you do?” If you answer, “Yes,” then you might be consider using a chastity device to lock up his penis so that you can use it whenever YOU want, instead of whenever HE wants.

There are many websites now that cover many different aspects of male chastity. I will spend the next few posts on the subject to help those who are interested in it, to learn just how beneficial it can be. As for how much “work” it will be for you, that is up to you. I will show you ways to make it easier on you. There are many ways to give him some kind of sexual excitement that will not require a great deal of time or effort on your part.

There are personal and relational benefits as well. He may be more attentive, romantic, helpful, and even happy, once you have him locked up. You may enjoy more of the kind of sexual activities that you desire as well. Maybe he has been lacking in attending to your needs. Are you getting the number of orgasms you would like? Is he spending enough time providing the oral sex you would like? What about simple back and/or body massages? Are you getting everything you you really want, or could your sex life be better? Think about it.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Easy Sex

I often get asked why a woman would even want to put her man in chastity. My simple answer to that question is, “It makes your life easier.” How? Well, for one, he is constantly reminded that you are in charge of his sexual organs and activity. He is also kept in a higher state of arousal, constantly. Every time he has a sexual thought, his penis (or his chastity device) will remind him that he cannot do anything about it.

The mere fact that a man cannot have sex, masturbate, or even get a hard-on, will make him want sex more. He will want it constantly. That is, he will constantly be reminded that he can’t have it without you. But there are ways to give him what he wants without “giving him what he wants.”

When a man is sexually excited, he is happy. He may feel frustrated if he cannot do anything about it, but men enjoy being sexually frustrated, as odd as that sounds. So here are a few ideas you can use to sexually tease your man with minimal involvement yourself.

·       Have him write you one of his favorite sexual fantasies. This will take some time and should keep him aroused for at least as long as it takes him to write it. Tell him to include lots of details. Tell him you will grade it and that how long he has left before his next release, may depend on how well his does.
·       Get naked and lay on the bed. Have him get naked as well and give you a full body massage. It will turn him on, relax you, and, assuming you don’t allow him a release, it will elevate his sexual arousal for some time to come.
·       Release him from chastity and have him stroke his penis for you. Don’t allow him to ejaculate, but make him stop whenever he gets close. You continue for as long as you like. Then replace his chastity device and send him on his way.
·       Have him sit in a chair naked, or simply stand in front of you. Call one of your friends (or pretend to) and talk. Tell her about his chastity and how he is standing (or sitting) in front of you. Describe his genitals to her. Talk about some of the more embarrassing or humiliating things you have had him do for you. The more detail you give her, the more embarrassed and aroused he will be.

There are literally thousands of things you can have him do. Sex is not just about intercourse, or even ejaculation for him. Sex is all in the mind. Give him some really great sex without even touching his body. You will see just how easy it is to keep his mind where you want it, without much effort.

Mistress Ivey

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Not Feeling Well?

I know, most of the time sex IS fun, but there are those times when you just don't feel like it, but you also feel as if you “owe” your partner something. Well, no, you don't.

There have been times in my own relationship when I just didn't feel up to having sex with my husband. I am sure there are many of you who have felt this way at one time or another. But if you want to maintain a happy, healthy relationship, you may need to find another means of giving him what he needs.

Of course, if you are feeling “under the weather” and just can't do anything, then he should be concerned enough to put his own desires to the side so that he can take care of you, the kids (if any), and the rest of the house.

But what can you do on those days when you are just too tired to get involved with anything sexual? How can you satisfy his needs and desires without having to go through all the usual rig-a-marrow? Get creative!

Here are a few ideas of things you can do that can be both entertaining for him and simple for you.

  • Have him write a detailed fantasy. Make it as long as he likes but filled with details about everything that is going on. It should not be a simple “I am tied up while you tease my cock” thing, but a complete detailed account of what happens. More like a short story than an outline.
  • Have him find a few videos on any subject you know will turn him on and watch them. There are many, many video web sites from which to choose. Maybe you want him to find a sixty-minute video compilation of blow jobs, or cum shots, or whatever. Of course, he should watch them while naked and should not be allowed to touch himself.
  • How about having him write a few role-play scenarios? See how many different ideas he can come up with. Then he can tell you about them in detail at a later date (when you are feeling better).
  • You could have him masturbate for you, or by himself, if you don't feel up to watching him. Of course that is not possible if he is in chastity. There are a hundred ways to make it more interesting for him. Maybe he has to watch a video with two (or more) men and no women to do it. Maybe he has to stand in a dark closet to do it, catch his ejaculate, and show it to you before he licks it off his hand and swallows it.
  • If you just want to get him out of the house for awhile, have him insert a butt-plug and go masturbate in a public restroom somewhere. He can take a photo with his phone to prove that he did exactly as he was told.

These are but a few ideas to get you started. Try making up your own list to have on hand for those times when you need to give him something to do when you don't feel well. It's may be easier to have a list handy if you are not feeling well.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Role Playing

Sexually speaking, there are literally thousands of various things you can do. Some are simple, like teasing a man's penis until he begs you to let him ejaculate. Some are more complex and require some kind of set up before you can actually do anything, such as, role play. If you enjoy teasing your partner in many different ways, including psychological teasing, then role play may be just the thing for few hours of fun.

What is role play, exactly? Simply put, role play is acting. You act out a non-scripted scene with your partner during which you use sexual teasing as the basic premise. That is, you play the part of an authority figure, a cop, a terrorist, a teacher, or a home invader, to mention a few. Your partner will play the role of your “victim” whom you are going to sexually tease and/or torment.

Basically, you will be in control. You will guide the scene so that it goes the way you initially planned it, or a reasonable facsimile of it. During the course of your session you will tease and/or torment your partner sexually in any way that you both enjoy. But there is an added aspect over just putting on the bed and playing with his body. That aspect is that you can become someone else. Someone who can do and say things to heighten your partners sexual enjoyment as well as your own.

Role play can be a great diversion from what you might normally do. An exciting change to put a little more sexually exciting action into your, otherwise, boring routine. It allows you to play a part that is (or is not) in your nature. Do something new and exciting for the both of you.

Become a cop to your partner's criminal ways and interrogate him. Or make him tell you where he has hidden the loot he stole. Or be a home invader who takes him captive and has her way with him. Whatever strikes your mood. Have fun with it, but always be safe. Use safe-words!

Yes, you can do this. It is all in how you approach it. If you go into it with the idea that it will be fun for the both of you, and not like you have to “perform” for your partner, then you will both enjoy the experience. Give it a try.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Post Orgasm Torture

I have a complaint... I have searched many video sites for a decent (accurately portrayed) video of Post Orgasm Torture (POT), but it seems the video “tubes” out there don't really understand it. So...

Once again I find myself trying to accurately describe something without a decent video to make it all clear. First of all, stroking your partner's penis after he has ejaculated, is NOT POT! POT is continuing direct stimulation of the head of his penis immediately after ejaculation. Not ten seconds after, or even five seconds after. Immediately after! In fact, it may help if you begin while he is still ejaculating. Use his own semen as lubrication. That works very well. The head of his penis should be well lubricated. If it is not, chances are you will only irritate his penis instead of stimulating it.

Not every male's penis is the same, duh. Therefore, POT will not feel the same to every man. To some, it may actually be quite painful, but to most, it will simply be extremely sensitive. Either way, he will fight you on it. POT didn't get it's name from being a nice “pleasant” feeling. It is like over-stimulating that part of his penis that he likes to have stimulated in the first place. Note, I said, “over-stimulating”.

I highly recommend using some type of bondage if you intend to try POT on your guy. He will, undoubtedly, fight to get loose and stop your from stimulating his penis after he ejaculates. If you are doing it right, he will fight. So, at the very least, you should bind his hands so that he can't stop you. He may, buck violently, twist and turn, shout at you, and even hurt himself in his attempt to stop the assault. So be prepared for that.

All in all, Post Orgasm Torture can be a fun way to add a little excitement to your play-time. If nothing else, it can be used as a punishment for any guy who ejaculates before you wanted him to. The .gif above shows the proper method for POT.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

More on Fantasies

As you have probably guessed, men's fantasies are extremely important when it comes to tease and denial. You don't even have to be in the same room with your partner if you can find a way to stimulate his libido with a fantasy. You don't even have to tell him an entire fantasy. Once you know a few of his favorite ones, or have planted a few of your own, all you need to do is remind him of one of them and he will become turned on, no matter where he is or what else he might be doing at the time.

Most men have such vivid imaginations, at least when it comes to sexual activities, that they can often think of nothing else once their mind gets focused on a fantasy. Let's take Bob, for example. (Bob is fictional, by the way.) His wife sent him a text that read simply, “Jane is coming over for dinner and I want you to serve us. You will wear only your chastity device and nothing else.” She sent this text about 10:am, while Bob was at work, and by the time poor Bob got home, he was almost frantic. He had a hard-on that just wouldn't quit, even though it was limited by his chastity device.

He didn't know if his wife was serious about Jane coming to dinner, or that he would be expected to serve it to the wearing only his chastity device. Why? Because his wife would not answer her phone or reply to any of his text messages all day. To make things worse, when he finally arrive home, Bob's wife ordered him to strip naked, except for the chastity device, of course, and start preparing dinner.

Bob had no idea that his wife had not, in fact, invited her friend Jane for dinner. Poor Bob didn't know that until dinner was ready to be served. His wife made him serve it to her, dressed the way he was, and Bob loved every minute of it.

After dinner, Bob and his wife discussed what had happened. She discovered that poor Bob was scared to death that he was going to have to serve dinner to his wife's friend as directed. He had been quite turned on by it all day. In the back of his mind, he thought his wife would surely not make him do it. But the closer dinner time came, the more excited Bob got.

My point of this story is simple... It is so easy to put your partner's fantasies to use that you would be crazy not to do it every now and then.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

True Power

Almost every woman knows that when her partner has a hard cock and has been brought to the edge of ejaculation, he is at his weakest. But few women seem to fully understand the true power they hold in their hands at that very moment.

You may not be in the mood for a full fledged female led relationship, or even simple chastity. You may not want to be a keyholder, but whether you like it or not, you are one. At that moment, just before he ejaculates, you hold the keys to his continued happiness. Should you continue, and finish him off? Or, perhaps, you could hold him off for just a few moments while you extract a small reward from him, before allowing him to ejaculate.

The choice is yours, and yours alone! Suppose you have been wanting a piece of jewelry. This would be the perfect time to ask him for it. Maybe you have been wanting him to take you out to a nice dinner somewhere. Again, this is the perfect time to secure what you want. Once you allow him to ejaculate, it's too late to ask him for what you want. He has no more incentive to grant your wishes.

So, armed with this information, you can see how you hold true power over him. Deny him his ejaculation until you have secured what you want. We all know that if you want multiple orgasms, you are going to have to get them BEFORE he ejaculates, or you may have to use that trusty vibrator on yourself.

So, whether you want more orgasms, a new car, or a nice diamond bracelet, get it before you allow him to have his orgasm and you will feel the true power you hold over him. The more you deny him, the more he will do for you. It's that simple.

Mistress Ivey

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Things Man Love to Hate

This is a list of things that man hate to do, but love to be “forced” to do them by their Mistress. Sometimes only fantasy is enough, but there may come a time when the fantasy is not enough. It all depends on your guy. Simply talking to your partner can often reveal things that you never thought of before. Communication is the key to pushing his fantasies in the direction you want them to go.

Remember, you don’t have to tell him a complete fantasy, simply suggest an activity that will arouse him and he will take it from there. Try one of these, for example. If the fantasy goes well, you may want to try it out for real. Again, it all depends on what things really turn him on and what he (or you) would prefer to keep as fantasies.

·       Masturbate for Mistress
o   In order to do this properly, the Mistress should actually direct the masturbator by telling him when to speed up, slow down, go faster, don’t cum, and things such as that.
o   Though this is very humiliating to do without direction, it is also very difficult to do unless the masturbator loves performing in front of an audience.
·       Drink Ejaculate
o   Remember, it’s all in how you make it happen. If he likes the taste, and many men do, then making him drink it isn’t so bad. But if he doesn’t, then it becomes something that he only enjoys because Mistress is making him do it.
o   Putting it in his coffee, freezing it for later, collecting a larger quantity in the refrigerator, are all ways of making it more humiliating.
·       Pegging
o   Some men love to be pegged. But if you put the right fantasy with it, it can become something he loved to hate. For example, tell him you are going to invite a friend over to do it for real.
o   Add a second woman to make it more humiliating.
·       Sucking Cock
o   Whether or not the Mistress actually wants her guy to suck another man’s cock is irrelevant. It is the fantasy that gets many men turned on. The threat that Mistress might just make it happen.
o   Making him practice with a dildo or two from time to time can add to his enjoyment of the fantasy.
·       Cross-Dressing
o   This is another area that some men may be afraid to confess enjoying. They may have never done it, but that may be because no one ever “forced” them to do it.
o   Cross-dressing in public make a great fantasy for men who enjoy doing it in private. Or maybe, the fantasy of performing sexual acts with other men while cross-dressing appeals to him.

If you put your mind to it, and talk with your partner about as many different things as you can think of, you may come up with a few of your own.

Mistress Ivey